Sunday, October 1, 2017

Happy Gothtober!

You may remember my mentioning before that my friends at work mannnnyyy years ago and I always wore solid black on the first of October, to kick of what we insisted (I stand by this, obviously) was a month long High Holiday for Wiccans and general gothy witchy types.

Now I've seen that #Gothtober is a thing, and I rejoice.

So I went fucking crazy and did my regular platinum goth look and then a wardrobe/makeup change and popped on my new favorite wig. Also one contact lens, not in homage to the Weird Ass Uncle Marilyn of popgoth, but because I've weaponized my fingernails and I scratched one of the fucking lenses.

Can I tell you how much I love glitter tears?
Also NYX Stone Fox Liquid Lipstick.
Love that, too.

So hi, I'm back, and my nerves aren't attacking my skull every damn day.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

What Happened?

Where did the poems go?
Where have I been on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter?

I have been hiding in bed.

As you do.

I spun out into anxiety and some mild depression when some personal shit crashed down. Then I had a pain flare-up that has seriously grounded me. That triggers depression, understandably, so that mild depression slid into a fairly severe episode.

Happily, severe in my case doesn't mean I'm unsafe. I long ago learned that my SSRIs are not optional. As long as I'm steady on them I've never been in danger.

I'm fighting the stirrings of a migraine right now, which I'm afraid might be related to new, or rather worsening, spinal problems. When I saw a spinal and brain specialist years ago trying to diagnose my pain, he was surprised I didn't have migraines because of the location of a bulging disc in my neck.

I didn't then, but have started getting them semi-regularly. I'm also getting shooting nerve pain (like sciatica) in my arms and face, so my current neurologist is planning to CT scan my upper spine. I see him tomorrow. I'm anxious at the thought of having to address cervical vertebrae. Surgery on the neck is much scarier than the base of the spine.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, because my mood isn't quite levelled out yet.

So this is my 'Heidi is Alive & Coping-Ish But Don't Worry' post. And now? Back to bed. Glowing screen is becoming The Enemy.

Saturday, April 8, 2017