Sunday, January 21, 2007

a guilt-releasing resolution

I resolve to parent intuitively and cooperatively with my husband and to refrain from pressuring myself by imagining that Dr. Sears and the entire AP community are keeping a scorecard somewhere that looks like this:

Hospital Birth- SIN!
Breastfeeding- Good!
Solids after 6 months- Good!
Bites of known allergens from adult plates - SIN!
Juice with water in the sippy- SIN!
Disposable Diapers- SIN!
Homemade Babyfood- Good!
Wanting Baby Out of Bed, sometimes- SIN!
Deciding to put baby in crib as deferment to husband's desire, even though I'm only 85% wanting to give up cosleeping, thus making my marriage and my sexuality a priority again- SIN!
Planning on Extended Nursing- Good!
Own and Use (pretty often)- Swing, Walker, Exersaucer- SIN!
Prefer Sling to stroller when out- Good!
Forget to Read to Baby for days- SIN!
Talk to Baby constantly thus Driving those around me crazy- Good!
Have Given Up and allow Baby to be in room with TV on- SIN!

Because there is no scorecard, and my Boue is healthy and happy and I am making good choices for my family. Mommyguilt is the enemy and I hereby release it.

I have to do something about my stress level, and this is an excellent place to start. I need to reconnect with Shane so badly. We are both so tense about our lives right now and so depressed that we don't see any way to get out of our money slump that we are really edgy with each other. We need to be a comfort to one another and not let this put space between us.

I'm feeling wiggy again about using our real names in this blog. Shane seems uncomfortable with it, so I may change names and retroactively edit entries. I dunno. Not revealing anything distressing here, just think sometimes being non-anonymous inhibits my honesty. Maybe I need to return to my paper journal and vent my intimate thoughts.

Because, really, how many of you are as excited as I am that my period returned and now I will be ovulating and having wild sex kitten thoughts again?

No comments:

Post a Comment