Sunday, April 1, 2007

i love this girl

Bu just called with an update on a cousin we haven't heard from in a while. She's with this guy- her baby's daddy- in NC, after pretty much running away from home very suddenly. She's young and impulsive and a smart, adorable womangirl except where the asshole is concerned. She makes terrible decisions about him. She got in another fight with him- don't know about this one but their fights are almost always physical. She called home and her mom asked her to come back. Then her Dad found out about it and told the mom their daughter wasn't welcome in their home anymore.

At this point in the story I took Bu and myself by surprise by suddenly and violently bursting into tears. I am terrified that her Dad's stance will seriously endanger her. She has no friends down there, too much pride to go to a shelter or somewhere. She and her sister have an awkward relationship and I think stubbornness might keep her from accepting her sister's help too. Her mom is really the only one I think she trusts, and I feel like her Dad's blocking that opening.

It's so complicated, but it's so fucking textbook. I know from friends and work experience how hard it is to get out of a trap like this. Think how hard it would be to own the situation. To admit, yeah, I royally fucked up by coming back with this idiot. To separate blame from responsibility, that it's his fault he's a violent evil damn! I don't have a curse bad enough- but that you have to accept that you chose to go back. To get the courage to do that, to start looking for a way to fix it, and then you home is closed to you? I don't care what kind of immature chaos she created there, it's her home. Her parents. I'm seriously pissed at her Dad. I have heard family talk about him in other instances and I'm not entirely convinced he isn't just like her boyfriend. I don't know- it's family gossip.

I didn't broach the subject, but we could make room here for her and the baby (she's a year and a half) if we had to. I don't think Bu'd go for it, and I'm not sure it'd be a good idea... she keeps repeating this. She comes home, gets her shit together or makes us think she does, then in the dead of night packs up and goes back. I'm scared if he found out where she was we'd be in some danger, too. He's not a mass-murderer but with a temper like that and a violent nature it's safest to assume the worst. Fuck.

I just love this girl. She's so too good for this bullshit. I wanna hug her and smack her at the same time, but mostly I want to get her up here with us. I wish we could ensure somehow that she can't talk to this fuckhead if she'd make the move.

Pray for her with me? I dunno who the patron Goddess of smart women who do stupid shit is, but I know plenty of wrathful Ones to call down on his ass. Refraining from the vengefgul hoodoo, but Gods do I wanna... Maybe a binding? Anyway, prayers, thoughts, positive protective energy. All good.

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