I need sun magick so badly. I'm in a very black sluggish mood. Terrible to feel that today. I started a sketch last night called "Self Portrait as The Sun", with Emsy as the Moon, but I had to divert my energy elsewhere and didn't get beyond a few lines scratched in my book.
So to cheer myself I'm googling the sun (that's fun to say out loud) and immersing myself in warm solar vibes. Since I didn't finish my own Midsummer's Eve art, I'm sharing my favorite image search results for "sun illustration." The first is from a Debra Frazier book, On the Day You Were Born. Now I want the book- it looks incredibly lovely.
The next few are an Arabesque Sun from Sakkal Design, with very nice patterning; then a cool educational diagram with a pretty airbrushy aura that struck my fancy; and an old alchemical illustration from levity.com. Alchemy is the most fascinating metaphor for just about everything there is. I would like to wallpaper my bedroom in old alchemy text imagery.
The Solstice Fair was nice- we didn't stay very long because Bu hadn't eaten dinner and we didn't have cash on us for hotdogs at the fair, and it was past Emsy's bedtime- inasmuchas she has a bedtime, which is to say she doesn't really but has been going to sleep rather early for a few days and I wanted to encourage the trend. But I got to catch uyp briefly with a few friends and actually ran into an old friend from junior high school who was getting ready to perform belly dance and looked gorgeous... I wish we could have stayed to see her dance.
Tonight we're going to the Art Walk after our meeting, and leaving the baby with the grandies so it'll be like a mini date night. Art and walking around downtown are a good solstice celebration I think. I miss being really a part of the art community, or at least being on the fringes of it as a student and emerging artist. I swing back and forth between feeling like an utter fuck-up slacker who's letting mundane bullshit get in the way of creating beauty and feeling like a strong self-assured new mom who's proud to say that I spend as much time as possible with my baby and building up our business. I think the reality of it is somewhere in the middle. I can learn to manage my time better so I can do more, but at the same time, I know I'm really doing awesome with Emsy and that's by far the most important thing to me.
I've always struggled with my priorities as an artist and my instructors were so frustrated that I never made it the centerpoint of my life. I do wish I'd done that as a student- if I had better work habits before I night have a better feel for making room for it now. But I to realize the futility of being angry at my past self, and my priorities now are exactly as they should be. The idea of Emsy as the focus of my little world isn't a decision; it's like a biological imperative. When my gut tells me that I need to cut short a night out and be with the baby, that's what I do. Everything else can fit around my mothering, because it has to be the center. It just is. It's the sun, my art can be the moon. Bu is the spinning Earth under my feet and my gravity.
The last sun art piece is a stock illo from some random stock site that I found. I love the cuteness of it. I miss mom right now. She had a thing for celestial imagery too. I have a few random sun star moon things around the house that were hers and I love looking at them. A lot of the knick knacks or art pieces are golden and a deep blue, almost indigo. That color combination speaks of her soul to me. The blue featured prominently in my last series of ceramics work. The deep blue was her spirit and the idea of water. The clay body was a pale creamy sandy color. Maybe that was me- the blank canvas color in physical form that was my waiting to learn myself.