Thursday, June 7, 2007

jumpy stress brain

I want a Xanax so bad.

Didn't get a chance to call the YW to set up a scholarship, but I'm keeping on the exercise-not-drugs plan. Bu is awesome with the support. Totally bringin' it. He said he was worried about me tonight. I'm not on the verge of a Serious Roxy Breakdown (TM) like in, let's see... '93, 96, and '02, but I've got to address this before I get to that point. If I had health insurance, I'd have already started googling xanax + breastfeeding, valium + breastfeeding, etc. I can see the doctor for $15 at my clinic, where the midwives' practice is run, but prescriptions aren't covered. We make thismuch too much money for the drug help. Quell frustrating. I've also got to check in with the DHHR to see if we'll qualify pleasegoddess for Emsy's state health insurance. All of this is complicated 1,000 fold by the way our company's set up. Our taxes don't really show that we make anything from the company. It's an S chapter corporation, so we take distributions which aren't taxable but I have to report them somehow or they'll bust us for fraud. I sent a printed report from our bookkeeping software. Hopefully that'll do.

There was a long ranty post in my head while I did paperwork today. It was about how I used to have a punkish youthful disdain for the affluent and all things borgeuois, but now all I want in the world is a nicer home, clothes that fit and weren't made in a sweatshop, and cash for organic produce. And I want a second car, which gives me green guilt. The public transportation system here is ridiculously inadequate, though. My options are two buses before dawn and at twilight or hitchhiking. {Insert towel reference here; I'm not coming up with anything.}

OK so I did google xanax + breastfeeding & it looks like a no go anyway so that's for the best. I have a(n arguably less than stable) relative who used to share her prescription with me, so when I'm really in need I usually go to her and then the doctor.

Ooh! Shiny: looks like Valerian root's OK as long as I keep an eye on the Boue. Valerian root works as well as Xanax anyway. Almost.

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