Tuesday, August 14, 2007

anorexia: better than slashy fanfic?

There's kind of a mass exodus at LiveJournal in the wake of a witchhunt in fanfiction communities and promotion (or at least sanctioning) of some disgusting pro-anorexia communities. Oh, my Goddess:
 I felt so intimidated and piggish.  I had to keep touching my bones to make sure they hadn't disappeared while I was walking.  Does anyone else do that?  You see someone who looks way better than you and then to reassure yourself you touch your collarbones or count your ribs over your shirt?  I felt like I was doing that constantly.  Luckily they didn't disappear, but it worried me so much.  I'm glad that my collarbones stick out so much 'cause along with touching them, I could look at my reflection in windows and see them and then I felt better.  I guess I never realized how much I loved my bones. 


You know what? After reading more posts and links, I'm having some mixed feelings. One poster described the community as a safe place for anorexics who aren't ready to recover to say whatever they want/need to, uncensored. I certainly understand the need to reach out without fear of judgement. It's hard to understand, though... having been diagnosed with an eating disorder (the compulsive overeating kind) and kind of shrugging it off. I'm not powerless to rethink my diet choices, but at the same time I do overeat often for non-hunger reasons, and do it even as I'm thinking how gross it is. If I do have an eating disorder, it's mild and on the opposite end of the spectrum- so this mindset is so foreign.

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