Monday, November 5, 2007

for alexis:worst at what i do best

Because I didn't want my LexieBoo to worry, I'm offering up the reasoning behind my angsty Nirvana quote. It sums up my tendency to be perpetually in my own way. The ticktock brain that never seems to let the soul blossom. I have the talent for the art but not the drive to create, and I'm a good mama who with anxieties writhing around in me.

A wry observation that occured to me while musing and radio-listening. I'll outgrow the mood soon.

I had a huge revelatory post about OCD and anxiety, all written up in my head, in between the gears and springs and microchips. Then I saw that TB at Soul Gardening wrote about identical symptoms and I felt better and forgot to have my epiphane post. Shit... I never commented to thank her for that important and brave post...

I "came out" to Bu about my plethora of mild OCD compulsions and had the realization afterward that it's an energy that can be harnessed. I coped OK with my post patrum visions like TB describes, probably because I've had them always and they just found a new subject. I have learned to live with them, and I say a little prayer and do a visualization and let them pass through me. I might do better with meds or herbs. The cost is daunting, though. And I'm not in dire straits or anything. I'd know if I were:) I've been there-very Girl, Interrupted Lite.

So, there's my little foray into the shadow self. I'm happy with how comfortable I am integrating it into me, having the awareness and acceptance.

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