Bu is in outer space, being a sexy freelance space ship captain. I sneak upstairs. Very quiet, baby sleeping. Make it to bed victoriously. Sigh and relax and revel in the quiet and having a few minutes of alone time. Begin fervent prayers for the Bird to sleep 10 or 15 more minutes.
Reach out in the dark for my fabulous little Magic Bullet vibrator. Sweet! I have it! Pull it off the night stand, untangle the cord and realize-
It's my fucking breastpump.
Reach for the other device, knock the baby monitor off the stand, curse quietly, wait for baby to wake... OK. I'm good. Now have completely lost the Johnny Depp Jack Sparrow Captain Mal Reynolds whatever story in my head. But I recover, take care of things the non-battery way with a strangely random Katherine McPhee (shut up she is pretty!) and Bu photoshoot fantasy and sleep a while before I'm summoned to the baby's room.