Friday, April 4, 2008

meditation day

My model canceled for tomorrow. It's annoying, and every day missed working on my print is a little extra stress, but it also frees my morning up. My church has a Buddhist meditation workshop in the morning. At least one of my Earthways people is going, and I really wanted to go and was really bummed to miss it for the model session.

So I'll spend the morning tomorrow sinking into the quiet of myself and communing with others looking for some peace and focus.

I may have Bu shoot a couple of snapshots of me in the evening and see if I can use those for my drawings.

I have the whole thing completed in my mind and that's making me feel both excited and worried. The worry is about being predictable and churning out a piece that is old school me and doesn't reflect any growth since my last work-work. And then there is a voice in me laughing at myself making all this fuss about a freaking digital collage.

"It's just art." An artist I know said that to me one time, and I think I looked at her like she was from another planet. Art is The Big Fucking Thing- the calling, the definition of me, the standard, the end all be all of existence by which I judge myself- and when I say "judge myself", think of Paul Bettany in The Da Vinci Code with the self flagellating. I don't know why it's such a huge thing to me to be a serious fine artist, but it is. And it isn't. Some part of me thinks I should be content to make cool designs and websites and greeting cards and  T-shirts. Then the part of me that is holding onto all those philosophy and art theory textbooks and wigs out about this little show freaks out and think I'm selling myself short being a graphic artist when I have Very Big, Capitalized Ideas.

So yeah? Buddhist meditation nao plz? Shut up my brain so I can make something creative and enjoy it.


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