Thursday, June 12, 2008

beach bird

It's been such an intense day. I'm sitting here now, watching the shore darken from our hotel window. It's got a wall to wall ocean view. Bu and the baby are walking out on the beach. She can't get enough of it. She and I just returned from her second visit. Bu has adorable photos from the window of our room.

We drove in today about 2:00 pm, and immediately she wanted to walk to the edge of the lot to see the "osh." She was giddy- more than I'd expected. She's so little I didn't know how much she'd grok ocean-being.

After we settled, we suited up and walked down to the beach to play in the high tide and video her reaction. We got a little snippet on our Fuji snapshot camera that takes short videos.

She was blissed way out. She loved sitting in the sand and waiting for the surf to wash over us and splash. When a big wave soaked us and she choked for a moment, she shook it off like a pro.

I sat there, butt in sand and hairy soft legs covered in salt, holding her around the waist as she squealed and splashed and giggled. I thought, "This is the best moment of my life." I'm tearing now recalling it. The ocean gets me like that- I've only been to the Atlantic four (no- five. Maine, chilly on the Summer Solstice, always gets forgotten) times before this trip, but I feel a deep peace and belonging at the beach. Is that a human thing or just me? I dream of living on an island. Mom loved the beach like this too. She lived on Nag's Head a while. We took her ashes to Cape Hatteras.

Sharing the ocean with my tiny girl, her honey curls with salty drops damp against my cheek, my chest shaking with her wild laughter- it was perfect in a soul-quieting, beautifully poetic way.

Bu was at our side with the camera, but the moment was like my very own. It's a gift he gave me to let me hold her like that and be washed together in the tide. Tides... I love being here where I can see them and feel the rhythm of them surround me ankle deep while I walk along, drinking in the sound of it.

Molly has taken to asking to hold the moon. She points and yells "Moon: Hold?" and cups her hands. It turns me inside out. She does that with TV and books, too, (begging to hold the kitten or baby or Curious George) but the moon? She's amazing.

I don't know when I can actually post. The WiFi server's down in the hotel. We are sharing a room now with the bridal couple. How shitty is that for them? If I'd have had to bunk with us pre-wedding, I'd probably have cancelled and scheduled a tubal ligation for the next morning:)

Bu and I are rocking the skillz, though. We're discussing parenting more, being a better team. It's a really difficult time for the three of us, but it's punctuated with amazing faery like bursts of sweet toddler energy that balance the equation.

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