I'm in a really strangely melancholic state right now. Can't figure out why... just, sad. I was probing around, looking for a reason, and I realized I completely forgot the anniversary of mom's death. (7.10.01, exactly at noon.) Now, I'm telling myself I was distracted- that was the week of our party and Laura's visit- and that it's a serious positive that I didn't grieve. Many years past on that day I've had this inexplicable sadness or anxiety and halfway through the day I realized what was upsetting me. In 2006, I forgot because it was my first day back to work after the Birdy's birth and I was so full of freaking out about that it eclipsed everything else.
But I feel weird about it. Disloyal, that I didn't even close my eyes and tell her presence in my heart, "hi," or do a light-every-candle thing.
At least now I have an anchor for my sadness. Apparently I needed to invent one. I feel homesick for her. Only way to describe it.