Monday, September 22, 2008

fallout girl

So, the party: It was piratey. The costumes and decorations were fabulous- photos are forthcoming. Also, I had no idea a hairstyle could be such a polarizing issue for blog commenters. I should have realized.

Anyway, I'm sort of shell-shocked about a couple of things. Part of it, as I described to Bu, is the cramming of enough socializing and gregarious hostessing into one evening as I can normally tolerate in an entire year. I have a massive people overdose. Laura and I have pledged a no-party visit when we meet up next. Quiet, intimate visits are the way to go.

Two rather more crazy-making things have happened, though, that I have blown up to epic disaster status in my overwhelmed brain. One is a potentially drama queen neighbor who frankly scares the shit out of me. Setting boundaries is just like saying no, and I am seriously ashamed to admit how much I hate that. I don't want to be the mousy people pleaser; that whole thing smacks of massive sexist bullshit and theoretically I love playing the fierce one. Warrior Goddess, yeah? My reality is deeply painted by shyness, though. However I have grown through it and choke it back, I am shy. 

Also, I want everyone to like me.

However, I have learned that the limits to my shyness- the breaking point where I start to channel Kali Ma and become the Very. Embodiment. Of Rage. Turns out that breaking point is reached much faster when rum is involved. 

And so it was that I decided that my kitchen, in the middle of a party was the best time to confront a friend of Bu's about his persistant yet vague lecherous grossness. He picked that night to escalate from overtly sexual talk and desparate stalkerish vibes to actual inappropriate touching. I'm too foggy to remember why I let the anger marinate for a while after his grabby-hands and then confused everyone with a delayed, time-released freakout. I very much wish I'd been more sober and responsible in my verbal ass-whooping, but I'm not regretful of doing it. I'm thrilled that other friends drove him home because throwing a guy out of my house is a Great Idea when said guy is a serious asshole, but the issue is complicated by the asshole's being too drunk to drive. 

I'm worrying about the consequences of all this. Bu backed me up with his friend, so I guess that'll be fine. The neighbor weirdness might be fine, too, but I'm tense about it. She has a toddler, and the Bird is stoked about the playhouse in their yard. I'm hoping there can be a casual our-kids-are-pals friendship after I had to step on her toes. The toes had to be squooshed, though. She was stepping way, way out of neighborly boundaries.

I'm happy to be home in my pretty binary world. Here I am safely able to hit [backspace] and [delete] and even go "Oops!" and hit [edit] before my expressions are out there. Perhaps I'll require that I may only communicate in text-based platforms from now on. Meh.


  1. I needs to know what happened with the neighbour? You were so stoked! (sad that even interesting looking people can turn out poopy)

    And WAY TO GO calling the guy. I don't know if I would have had the balls if it was a friend of my husband....

  2. Ah. Expect a discreetly emailed detail-rich story:)