Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Red Epiphane

Edited 12/2017: This post originally contained an ethnic slur that I wasn't aware was inappropriate at the time. My sincere apologies-- hre.

I was lying in bed, drowsy and contemplative, and staring at what I think of as my g***y curtains: a too-large dress sliced up and tacked over the bedroom windows. There are violets and golds but the dominant color is a perfect, satisfying crimson.

I was staring at the patterns (vaguely Eastern), meditating on the fabric, and in a sudden epiphane I was aware that I had been in denial about my favorite colors- bouncing around from greens to oranges and blues if they were properly teal-ish. I was suddenly aware (with an importance I can't quite convey without admitting it will seem silly to you) that crimson has been my favorite color for a very long time. I'm drawn to reds and burgundies in my home things and my wardrobe,my paintings have always featured alizarin crimson. (I'm enamored too by the name of the plant used to make this pigment: madder.)

It was a blooming, powerful understanding to become aware that this color, of my blood and paint, of anger and power and passion, of birth and wounding, is my most beloved. It was like I'd always thought I was a ghost and suddenly realized I have substance. Flesh.

Crimson is a visceral, physical woman color. Throbbing, vampiric, erotic, wine color.


It's the hue of owning my mortality and physicality.

The image is a super-quickie PS manipulation of art that appeared (with no red) in Weave Issue #1. This was originally posted in a personal blog but I decided that it obviously belongs here.


  1. i never knew about the plan madder. i always crave red wine when i'm on my period; something about the thick acidity and color staining my lips is very satisfying. it enlivens the experience of my body purging an egg.

    "owning [your] mortality and physicality" is a striking way to put. i love the stream of consciousness from crimson to color to physical blood sex death and life.

    also, the way you've rendered 'myown' plays with my word recognition and reads like 'womyn' at first.

    --amanda jane

  2. i forgot some articles in there. you know what i mean.


  3. Wow! That 'my own' is an anagram of womyn is very exciting:) I've always had a crush on that spelling.