Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Coffee Talk

Good morning intarwebs. I have coffee, and a low-grade, chronic double ear infection, I think. Also, a looming scary threat of roads covered in LETHAL ICEZZZZ and freezing rainz and I am a very, very nervous driver and schools everywhere are closed so I'm working from home only obviously not yet. BUT!!!! I'm still drinking coffee so technically it's still breakfast time so I'm not slacking and it's not even business hours yet so it it totally OK to be blogging and not tinkering in Access.

I have nothing significant to post, but my compulsion to overshare demands that you be briefed on my Best Hottie Dream EVAR last night. OK. Are you ready? I was Barack Obama's assistant!  I was taking notes for him on paper (I had a dream-blackberry but it was dead, like my real-cellphone always is.) And, even though the dream should have been all Secretary, it was not. However, still totally hot in the way that dreams can make dictation sexy. Insert heterosexual "dictation" joke here: _________________________. HAHA! There was presidential dream flirting, but it was way classier than Bu imagined when he called me "Monica" this morning.

I have mental whiplash from going from HATESSSS the president asshat FUCK!!! to "Oh, hello Mr. President. Your statements about the environment are very pretty and delicious and OH sure I can help loosen that tie... Did you just say science is teh good and then open stem cell research OMG I'm so turned on I can't think.... " Grrrrr... I'm sorry Michelle. I am. I dunno what happened. I am supposed to be all anti-authority but um, your man is so yummy and his policies totally fail to make me cry and/or hit things.


Then Bu was all up in my shit teasing me about it, and pretending to be Obama only I dissed his impression and told him, no it's like William Shatner a little bit but more "Uhhhh... Look. Change! Requiiiiires..... sacrifice." etc.

Bu is not presidential at all.

Also. This is so annoying: The nurse? Who did my gyno exam and suggested prozac for PMDD? She also told me I should do chest exercises and wear a sports bra everynight, and I laughed so hard I hope I peed on her or something because really? Did you just 1) tell me my boobs are saggy and 2) actually believe that toned pecs can make DDs point to the heavens? Because, no. That will not happen. I am not ever going to have round globes or perky cute boobs. I have great bras for when I want to have pr0n star boobs, and the rest of the time I just do not care. Except on date night, this is my consciousness of my breasts:
1) Well done, girls, on the nourishing and snuggling baby time. High fives! Working mommy milky mojo! 2) Get out of my way 3) Be healthy please.

1 comment:

  1. Heidi,

    You have a cousin (Hope) who is therapist who knows ridiculous amounts about anti-depressants, among many other things. You also have a cousin (Stacy) who is a pharmacist. They would both be glad to help, really. That being said, I took zoloft and the same thing happened to me. I'm on Lexapro now, and it's so much better. More expensive, but worth it.

    And about your boobs: dear, the exercises she suggested probably have less to do with your boobs and more to do with your back. You carry around something like 5-10 pounds per boob, which puts an enormous strain on your already wrecked back. just sayin'...