Bu woke me up at 6:00 a.m., when we usually begin the long and less-than-sunshiney process of waking. The Bird and I are not morning fans. (I've been a cranky, stubborn waker-upper since I was a toddler, too.) I peeked through the blinds to a neat blanket of white. I looked for the road, was unsuccessful. I whispered, "sweet," and returned to bed with the baby. Bu laughed, and I told him she'd slept fitfully and was doing a lot of talking in her sleep. My world, a little house of red mismatched bricks nestled into a hillside of snow, is a blissful quiet.
Now, there is coffee in the best mug, and a warm pajama-clad girl child on my lap. She insists that her name is Rhea this morning, and I have no idea where she's heard this. She's drawing spirals and dots in blue highlighter on the reverse of my last art show postcard.
My mood is noticeably brighter, and I am armed with a semi-official diagnosis of PMDD from the nurse practitioner who did my yearly thing yesterday. She recommends a very low dose of Prozac. I remember a long stretch of almost totally absent orgasms and am unsure. (I welcome suggestions from the crunchiest herbal mamas to the most science geeky pill proponents. I have totally neglected to implement any of the vitamins that I've been rec'd, but I may remedy that.)
Brighter and lighter I am. I've lost nine pounds and have bought a size 16 dress. It's a boost- I feel sexier and a little... easier? Looser, more flexible, more liquid. It's so funny to be so grateful to math. The simple equation: more calories going out than coming in. Neat graphs showing me my goal and showing regular, gradual progress toward it. My favorite shows Calories Burned and Calories Eaten and only two days since starting to watch it have I eaten more than I burned. And Zen Habits is right- in the month or so, watching my calorie intake has become a habit. When I reach my weight goal (145 pounds) I'll probably stop counting calories, and just keep a casual eye on my weight. I'm assuming by then I'll have pretty good eating habits entrenched. I'll reassess my goals then- my back should be able to work out harder, maybe I'll give veganism a better go. We'll see.