Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Book, Girl

In class we have been discussing audacity and how often it is that confidence to leap that makes an art career more than talent. We have shared our Big Hairy Audacious Ideas, so called a B-HAG by our group facilitator's mentor. Bee Hag. Fun word. We also discuss... [ pre-emptive translation for my skeptic friends: coincidences tio which we attribute meaning ] ... synchronicity.

So my eye saw the sparkle of synchronicity when, after finally talking in the group about my preciously guarded secret book dream, Sweetney partnered up with Blurb to give away 10 gift codes for $30ish. The only catch was that we would-be auteurs had to summon the stones (read: ovaries, mostly) to pitch Tracy our Bee Hags. Emboldened by solo six a.m. therapy sessions and group mojo-raising, I commented with a breif outline of my book:
It's a visual art/text book (think Nick Bantok meets hand-drawn zine) about my identity experience as a woman with a limb deformity. It's part creative non-fiction, part hallucinogenic daydream.

The title is Diary of Elephant Girl. It's a journal-like account of my forming an identity of I Am A Nonconformist Freak Goddess and how awesome that was except that I totally buried my vulnerable, alienated emotions.

Some things I'll touch on include:

-references to elephants: Ganesha the Hindu god who is patron of people with birth defects, watching The Elephant Man and having a massive breakdown, and the lethally cute fact that as a baby I called my arm my baby elephant.
-the insane mind-crushing contradiction of being pregnant and praying for ten fingers so hard my brain nearly collapsed while pondering how self-loathing it was to be terrified my baby would look like me.

*Note: OMG am I terrified to write this in public. For the record, intarwebizens, Diary of Elephant Girl is mineminemine and if you steal my precious brain explosion I will go apeshit lunatic on you with my claw hand. KTHX.*
Then I won one of the gift codes oh shit so I have to actually do it now. So. Thanks. Thanks in advance to people who have reacted very positively to a somewhat wack idea that is really pretty absurd in its specificity to me.

Oh. The girl part... the title here was a note to myself to get that word's baggage out of my system. Take a deep breath... GO: Girl appears in the title because it's (audaciously) a memoir of someone way too young to write a memoir. But, it's a memoir of those first thirty-three years. I have this special feminist alarm in my brain that flashes violently when women infantalize themselves for cuteness, but at the same time woman is so, like formal? so I usually say chick colloquially but sometimes girl but usally not but it applies here so go with me on this OK?


  1. Oh, awesomeness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I need some Bee Hags. I used to have so many, but they all went by the wayside, long ago...

  2. ANYthing you need, shoot an e-mail my way. I'm so excited about this. I want to read it now! ;)

    BTW: I like the word "girl." When it's just Zoe and me, our phrase is "We are girls together." And if you change your mind, titles are easily altered. Let's get the content rolling! Whoo!