I'm ruminating on fluctuations in pain. I know it's all travelling through nerves but there's a kind I call Nerve Pain and a kind that is Muscle Pain and there is Bone Pain and there are Bee Sting Pains which are new.
Bee Sting Pain is a giant wasp, with a stinger that goes in the ouside of my pelvis and shoots through my femur. It's a combination of Nerve and Bone Pain and is relatively new. Apparently Thirties Decade Scoliosis is more varied than Twenties. The latter seven years of this decade, we hope, will be easier assuming my weight loss continues. I'm nearing twenty pounds. I think the episodes are getting shorter in duration since Christmas when we started logging calories at FitDay.
I feel weird writing about this... not comfortable feeling whiny or vulnerable or helpless. The helplessness made me really anxious today- remember I missed two days of work last week. Remember I'm part time with no benefits. Remember I am broke as hell.
I have Dr. House fantasies. He will meet me accidentally, be curious about my birth defects and decide I am his Mystery Du Jour, and he'll
1. Figure out why I have this insane body.
2. Seduce me.
3. Share Vicodin.
There'll be a rare One Thing that causes limb & bone defects and doubling of organs. It'll be much more interesting and exotic than absorbed-twin-whatever. Something confirmable. There'll be cool fuzzy flashbacks of mom and some chemical residue in the house or some little tweak in utero or something. He'll make snarky funny ribald comments about my having extra ladyparts. Foreman will raise an eyebrow. Hadley will be unimaginably gorgeous and apologetic. Taub will express professional dismay at the scarring on my arm but will be charmed when I tell him they are cool- I like imagining that I am sewn together like Sally in The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Jack & Sally Earrings by Etsy Seller dvrdown. Here's her shop link- adorable!