The thing about depression is that I think of it as synonymous with sadness. But then, when real grief comes, I realize depression is a numbness. Sorrow hurts. It hurts so bad it feels like a shattering, a shredding. Just a broken, open lost feeling. Shapeless.
My center is scattered to winds that chill then warm and distract with beauty for a moment. Then, when the air shifts away and the world is less autumn-beautiful, the pain is worse by comparison.
Tiny, stabbing grievings so sudden I can't brace myself for them.
I'll fall apart if I try to eulogize Holly or speak of her. When my mourning settles I can and will paint the beautiful picture of her she deserves.
I love you. You are in my prayers...always, but especially now.
ReplyDeleteNell
I'm so sorry for your grief. Know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteP
Heidi
ReplyDeleteI can so understand your thoughts having lost my mother a month ago. She is the one person in your life no matter what you did or said always loved you unconditionally to losing my beautiful baby sister a little over 2 yrs ago from suicide which changed me forever, but I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and when it becomes just to hard to deal with, I hand it to God and pray for strength.
Carol