Monday, September 13, 2010

Cure, Disease

Or, "Heidi 0, Goddess 1"

I'm having medication angst. Like I do. One of my new drugs- either the Effexor for the anxiety or the Symbacort for the asthma is making me a shaky mess. (They have very similar possible side effects, annoyingly.) I'm not feeling much mental anxiety- my mood is actually really, really great. But I'm physically shaking so much I can't draw. My sleep is totally screwed up. It's been a couple of weeks so it seems high time to deal with fixing this. I think it makes sense to stop the inhaler first as there aren't any psych repercussions to cold-turkeying that one.

Meanwhile, I brilliantly decided to detour PMDD completely by supressing my periods. I skipped the placebos in my Yaz for a few months. The first couple of cycles there was no period, no apparent hormonal flux. No panic attacks or weird who-is-in-my-brain thought patterns. I had WON. And then there was the third month.

I've had my period the entire three weeks so far.
So, I listen.
Nature dictates a cycle; who am I to fight the tide?

I'm musing my general pharmacological status. Measuring benefits against risks and- always, still- worrying in little ways about treating the anxiety with drugs instead of meditation and exercise. The key, I guess, is to think in addition to... Build a foundation of non-drug therapies and then talk through phasing out the meds.

It's all about moving this body. I'm out of the woods with this back episode, and have gym time scheduled this week. I feel good, twitchiness notwithstanding. There's a lot going on this fall, but that makes me feel excited rather than overwhelmed. And that makes me hope I can keep my happy-drug because my not panicking at the onset of autumn is kind of a small miracle.

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