Monday, September 6, 2010

Imagine // #30DaysOfTruth Day 19

#30DaysofTruth The prompts live here. And the tweets live here. 
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

A state of the mystical self has been called for for some time, I suppose. I've been through a shift in perspective since I started the blog as a practicing Wiccan. I shared being peed upon by my skyclad baby during her naming ceremony, waxed poetic about the sun, I posted little doodle-spells:

And then there were the Skepchicks.

My very dear Laura (go read her at Dear Outer Space) introduced me to the idea of the skeptical movement. She'd gone through a change of head space before I did, and became involved with Drinking Skeptically in Pittsburgh. I met some amazingly smart bloggers and bounced ideas with Laura and with Shane. (He now affectionately calls me Skepchick when I get ranty about science vs. say... idiotic denial of global warming) I mused through endless conversations about the nature of science and God/god/gods/Goddess. Laura and I discussed critical thinking and scientific method and I perused blogs and poked at my head for specific ideas.

I didn't have a crisis of faith.
I had a very gentle experience like wiping the lens of an eyeglass. I discovered that I cannot truly say I believe in any external, personified deity. I can't quite say I don't believe in god(s), but for clarity's sake I don't as far as any real working definition fits. I realized that my Wiccan friends relate on a much less metaphorical level to our/their gods. I discovered that the value in paganism for me is reconnecting to some more essential human experience. I connect to the primal, visceral feelings in ritual. The stirrings of rite and magic stir up humanness in me. Womanness. Earth-dwellerness.

Along the threads of conversation with Laura, I threw out my declaration that the only rational, empowering ways to view god are pantheism and atheism. For me, either will suffice because they reject the notion of a Person-ey Sky Daddy Santa Claus God as well as the horrible, sad idea that we are separate from divinity.

Laura told me Richard Dawkins says "pantheism is just sexed-up atheism."

And I said, "where do I sign!?"

During most of this transition I'd been a UU congregation absentee. I really want Molly to be raised in the UU curriculum, though, and there is a lovely spectrum of beliefs at the UU so I still felt/feel connected to the group. We showed up one Sunday morning and I saw a new set of posters. The first one I noticed read: "When in Doubt, Pray. When In Prayer, Doubt." I laughed out loud with delight.

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