Isn't this truly is the goal, then? Not the bright burning out of the rock song, but the slow burning desire to hang on and shine forth until the wind comes, until the moment I must be blown away? The gradual turning. The gliding descent. The decomposition. The majesty of seasons, of being in my place and time and knowing that this place and this time are my birthright.
And see this:
This is the blessing of the beauty of age, of what could be called imperfection to the uninitiated. This is the essential quest of my life, to realize the perfect is the imperfect, the Wabi Sabi. To realize that those broken places I feared would never heal are truly becoming the cracks that let in the light.And yesterday, on the radio, there was this, from Brian Eno:
Honour thy error as a hidden intention.So autumn and the coming winter are about flowing with the season. Working with the attitude changes it will bring, and listening to its wisdom. Listening to what I think are imperfections, errors, and honoring them. It is the truest way to honor my Self. Haven't really ever loved myself authentically, because I was waiting to learn this. To love my flaws and celebrate their making me whole and unique. I send that deeper- I learned to love this atypical arm of mine, to revel in the weirdness of my bones. But I open that now, let it move into loving my worry (it's from Mother Archetype) and my brain-in-flight (Creativity is non-linear) and my overeating (Sensual Dionysian Urges) and my aches (Messages from nerve and bone). I am loving my stretchmarks and loose belly. My dark eye hollows and wide hips with flat butt. My twitchy nerves and calloused skin.
I'm loving the cool, darkening world. Cupped in the bowl of wooded hills that really do become painfully lovely in the twilight. I'll watch the flurries fall at week's end if they come, and see through winter eyes their lightness as they fall. I'll melt with time as we turn back, let in the darkness. I'll smell wood burn and I'll bake sweetness into our lives.
I'm watching the breeze right now out the window. Our prayer flags are fading out beautifully.