Thursday, July 26, 2012

A Dream Interpreted and a Manifestation of Actual Purpose

I dreamt that my tear glands had been surgically removed and I was writing in my own medical chart, expanding on the notes in it and lecturing the surgeon about the necessity of having comprehensive information in the chart. I showed him that it was a continuous record from the women's clinic where I used to work. 

Shane had gone this week to a dermatologist, after I insisted that a horrific looking scab on his leg looked like a textbook illustration of melanoma. It wasn't. He gallantly refrained from using the words paranoid or hypochondriac at me. He did share a slight annoyance with me about having a resident and a younger student present at the exam, which made me laugh. I'd allowed a student to watch my pelvic exam a few months ago, so his fully-clothed exam wasn't eliciting much pity. Of course, I worked in a gyno office for three years and my exams then were simple non-events squeezed in at my lunch breaks or on my half-day. So I felt like that was the prompt for the dream's medical venue.

The specific imagery, removal of a tear duct, would be much more symbolic and fascinating had I not created this art piece a few weeks ago:
Also, I fell asleep thinking that I needed to get the art from the BODY exhibit online and berating myself for doing nothing remotely productive in the past week. But today I have a to-do list slowly forming in my mind, and something like a will to live. This is nice, as the highlight of my day yesterday was plopping on a hat and leaving the house. It was more like being led from the house like a voodoo-zombie.* But I'm following a trajectory out of the depressed spell: The previous day, I had opened the shades and looked at sunlight. Today, I'm actually going to drive myself to a Not My Home Place in the interest of mental health.

The amorphous to-do list contains a plan to find some small "daily art" project to do via Instagram, and to check out the next WV Creatives Collective (message me on FB if you'd like to join) meeting. There are also practical things like nailing down pain management appointments, looking into being a guinea pig for a rare disease org to look into genetic testing, and refreshing my blue hair dye.

*For your consideration: When I use voodoo, I'm referring to the practice as pop American culture has misrepresented it, primarily to differentiate from the HST** reanimated species Zombius Romero. If I refer to the religion, and I do, I spell it Voudon.

**Hostile Sub-Terranean, from Buffy, thrown in just to add another random fandom in order to complicate things.

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