In my calendar, this is time that I have always dreaded. I have a textbook case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it always seemed to be a natural thing to have a time of low energy and quiet mood. My dear friend Susannah has a wise friend who framed the problem perfectly. She shared her friend's idea that winter is a time for darkness, introspection, and silence. The conflict between that and the social pressures we get during the holidays of the season is stressful. It goes against the grain of what our bodies crave. I'm thinking a lot about that. Last year I felt better in the winter, and I attributed it to having lost the rhythm of time. I'd been on bed rest since August and my days bled and blurred into each other and then as the weeks at home became months it seemed to be that my healing would mean a time out of time- often I've called it a pause.
Here and now I'm still in paused time, but I'm able to move and see a bit more. I feel less separate from the world than I did last year. Winter means something. I shared a Persephone ritual with my own beloved daughter, and I'm settling into the rich, deep feeling of autumn. I feel a lovely connection to my pagan roots lately and much less conflict with my atheist leanings. Rejecting a God deity doesn't dismiss a charge of magic in the Universe- something that you feel in the air when October dies in flaming leaves and wild pageantry.
I feel very much like a person born and raised Catholic or Jewish who cherish the traditions and teach their children of the faith but have moved past belief in the actual God. The rituals means something more. Though I wasn't raised a pagan I found the traditions just as I grew into adulthood and they are a part of me now. Autumn always brings me to Persephone, who has been with me since I learned to read. She was a fairy tale from a time lost and then I found sisters and brothers who loved the old ones as I did and then She was my Goddess.
When true winter is here (we had the snowy blast of Sandy and it feels like winter will blow in soon) I should be healing from the new implant and through the season I'll be gaining more motion and feeling far less pain. I'm filled with hope and contentment in this season of change.
I want to use this good mojo for creative endeavors, and I'm rebooting my Drawing A Day practice for Art Every Day Month, which you can follow on Twitter at #aedm and my posts on Instagram. I'm thinking this weekend about doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) but scaling it down. I think that may be taking on too much since the drawings are also going to be for The Sketchbook Project. I definitely need to use the writing groove to work on my story. Maybe I'll set aside a couple of week days for writing and set a modest goal. I'm still learning how to work within limits instead of mad all-nighter bursts of painting/writing/sculpting.
My other goal for the month is to start building an email list for those who want to connect in a new way and get exclusive content and images. If you're interested, I'll have a sign up box on the blog page or you can go ahead and get started here, and I'll be talking to you soon. Enjoy the November smells and tastes and take some time to be silent and at peace.