Saturday, March 23, 2013

Winter Makes Me Weird

I looked up at the morning light from the bedroom window: a flat white, blanked-out sky. I thought:

"a nothing sky."

Then I corrected myself. A nothing sky is painful, perfect blue. A Wisconsin sky where the open lack of mountains is dizzying.

I noted that a white sky is heavy with dense clouds hanging between me and the blue. Then I choked with an oppressive claustrophobia. It sent me running for my asthma medication.

An attack like that always hits me with a sudden psychosomatic tightness in my chest. It happens if I see a scuba dive on the television or a submarine. Sometimes standing at the side of a large aquarium. I love open water, I crave it. But enclosures and tanks and especially seeing a breathing apparatus triggers a primal response.

It makes sense, having asthma, that claustrophobia follows.

But cloud cover? Seriously?

I need sunlit blue mornings right fucking now. I want an IV drip of vitamin C and daisies. I want an inhaler full of big sky country and kite flying.

Winter has completely warped my brain.

Clouds, Heidi? Seriously?

No comments:

Post a Comment