Monday, May 6, 2013

My Own Motion is a Seasickness #365Poems

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I'm a creature of water, of air.
I'm the inhale, the exhale, the light & dark moon.
I'm fullness and hollow and tears and pleasure.
My own motion is a seasickness, 
but I am learning.
I can't still wind, and wouldn't resist
the change of tides if I could.
Today is heavy, salt waters.
Tomorrow may be sailing.


I spent my whole adult life trying to nail myself down before realizing that that mutability, the flux, the extremes, the moods swinging wildly on every axis is exactly who I am. Part of it is the serious, near-unlivable PMDD but that pathology doesn't define me. It does, however, a great damn job of caricaturing me.

I'm bereft this morning, but it's the kind of sorrow that pushes me to bang out words with keys. In an hour I may have found a light sweetness. Today I paint twee landscapes and tomorrow maybe skulls and steampunk organs. This weekend and this morning have been physically painful, and Wednesday I might feel like walking in the woods.

I feel bleak, but peaceful about it. Seems every spiral through the dark teaches me more. I learn to let the feelings be, and know that they are feelings and by definition changeable. I'm change. I exhaust myself, but there's something there that sounds nice. I'm change.

#365poems at

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