Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Slacktastic Summer Health Update

Well hi. 

It's awkward to jump back into writing after an accidental lull. I've just been in autopilot head space. More subsisting than existing the past few weeks. I've done things, I just haven't examined them or taken time to write or intentionally think. These months are okay, but only that for me. It comes back to intention and purpose and I've drifted a little while. Sometimes you just sort of float. This is fine, but I'm ready to move out of that.

I had a great doctor visit with my PCP yesterday and a check up with my pain clinic a few weeks back. We've switched my pain medication to a different drug with the same dosage. That's working better and not moving up in dosage is reassuring. We're attacking my PMDD with oral contraceptives, which I'll take continuously to stop my cycle. I know there'll be a few days or weeks of weirdness as I adjust to the hormones but I've got to try this. It's gotten so bad it's really affecting my quality of life and my ability to parent and to wife. (Wifing is a verb. It's an active thing to navigate life with another adult.) I need to be the self I know when I'm not in Red Queen mode. I've come to accept that both emotional patterns are real, that the feelings I have with PMDD are authentic but in a different way than the other weeks of the month. I'm deciding after a lot of consideration that I want to live without this cycle. I'm researching to find the lowest dose of continual pills that my insurance will accept. 

My anxiety has been extreme lately, too. My heart rate is really, really high, and my blood pressure has gone up. It's not considered high, but I'm concerned because I've always been on the low end. I've started watching calories again, and I'm finding it helps a lot with my tendency to binge. I'm not a purger, but my eating is definitely disordered. I've had bouts of this since always, but I usually can get through it into better habits. I've started to lose some weight over the past month and I'm hoping that will help with my pitter-pattering heart. I'd gone off of Neurontin and Xanax but am taking them again now. My PCP agreed to take over prescribing them because I don't want to pay the psychiatrist fees on top of all the other millions of health costs I have.

I've fallen behind on a web project with the recent pain days, but I think today is better. I have lots of poems to catch up on too, so I'm going to go ease into these projects and get a handle on life. I'll be seeing you here, soon! Viva la sunshine.

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