Tuesday, January 14, 2014

My Dream, Featuring Random Hilarity and Death

I present, for your enjoyment, wot I did dream:

My parents are Marge and Homer Simpson. However: Homer has died and also his name is Tom. I'm burying him in the backyard of my childhood home when Nell (my real life cousin but sister here in the Dreaming) calls to tell me our mom Marge has killed herself in grief, having put a Harry Potter audio book in the sound system of her car and... whatever: monoxide, 90 mph at a tree, off a bridge. But dead, with a Potter book in her last moments.

So I, upon hearing news of my mother's suicide, begin to bawl, then through my sobs ask the obvious important question: "Which book?" Nell cries, "Uh... What?" "Which Harry Potter book?!!" and then I continue (deadpan, and no longer the slightest bit upset) "It was Deathly Hallows, wasn't it? That makes everyone suicidal..." 

Then I buried them together, only Marge had Selma's and Patty's hair, and then they resurrected and I dug them back up.

Then I was at a funeral for the Harry Potter books with Molly and Nell and a lot of goth girls The End.

Do not eat frozen pizza before bedtime. And it should've been Half-Blood Prince. The apparent solidification of Snape as a villain and death of Albus Percival Wolfric Brian were gut wrenchingly, garment rendingly fangirl-slaying. In Hallows, I was all, "Did you HEAR!? Snape was the hero of the story ALL ALONG! I knewwww it! In your FACE, haters! w00t!" Then his death sunk in and when Harry died and half the characters I lived for died I was all maxed out on Snape angst and could barely read through my wracking sobs anyway. But my darling snark God was redeemed, so I declare it less depressing than Prince. O my PRINCE. *sniffle*

I'm just going to go read Bridge to Terabithia and Old Yeller and The Bell Jar and swan dive off a bridge now.

Have a great day, bl'eaders. Thanks, dreams. (Assholes.)


  1. This is the straw that *almost* makes me want to actually read HP. Almost. Maybe. Sort of. (Remy is still on book 1 and hasn't seemed motivated to get through it yet... just the first five or so chapters. And he keeps rereading them. Oh that kid. SO my kid.)

    1. I'm seriously amused that this makes you WANT to read HP. I'd guess the opposite.

      Gods I adore those books so damn much! I wonder how much emotional power they'd have reading them now after the entire world was full of spoilers.