Thursday, May 11, 2017

What Happened?

Where did the poems go?
Where have I been on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter?

I have been hiding in bed.

As you do.

I spun out into anxiety and some mild depression when some personal shit crashed down. Then I had a pain flare-up that has seriously grounded me. That triggers depression, understandably, so that mild depression slid into a fairly severe episode.

Happily, severe in my case doesn't mean I'm unsafe. I long ago learned that my SSRIs are not optional. As long as I'm steady on them I've never been in danger.

I'm fighting the stirrings of a migraine right now, which I'm afraid might be related to new, or rather worsening, spinal problems. When I saw a spinal and brain specialist years ago trying to diagnose my pain, he was surprised I didn't have migraines because of the location of a bulging disc in my neck.

I didn't then, but have started getting them semi-regularly. I'm also getting shooting nerve pain (like sciatica) in my arms and face, so my current neurologist is planning to CT scan my upper spine. I see him tomorrow. I'm anxious at the thought of having to address cervical vertebrae. Surgery on the neck is much scarier than the base of the spine.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, because my mood isn't quite levelled out yet.

So this is my 'Heidi is Alive & Coping-Ish But Don't Worry' post. And now? Back to bed. Glowing screen is becoming The Enemy.

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